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Two, Three, Four...
lj_bot wrote in writersblock
How do you feel about open relationships or marriages? Why do you feel that way? If you're currently in an open relationship, how is it working for you? What are the biggest issues you've had to overcome?

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I have been in one before, and frankly, it can work surprisingly well depending on the attitudes of the people involved. In our case, a woman we had befriended was bi (like my wife), and fairly kinky (like me), so we really had a good relationship going. Ultimately, things did fall apart, but not because of the nature of the relationship. The real issue is one of competition. If it was another man, I know I would be extremely competitive and it would not work. With another woman, I felt my wife had an outlet for her needs, and I had someone that I could share mine with.

Things have changed as time has gone on, and my wife is against the idea now. In some ways it's easier--only two of us, after all--so working around problems is pretty even. But in a couple ways there are more hardships--as an example, my wife is very devoted and romantic, but not kinky. So at this time I really don't have a good outlet for that. I don't blame her--we are who we are. It does, however, make things a little frustrating from time to time, especially if she wants to talk something out (and that is a lot harder for me), or if I want something more aggressive in the bedroom (and that is a red line for her).

We have two fairly close family friends, one is a MMF relationship, the other a MFF relationship, both have been going for a long time, the MMF one for over 11 years, the MFF for over 22 years. They can work. But it really depends on what people want from each other, and how willing you are to accept some limitations. The hardest thing, though?

Sleeping in the middle of the bed. If you need to use the bathroom, or if someone is a bed hog, it really makes for a 'did I really need this' moment. That said, I look at things from a closed group status, not necessarily an open one. I prefer to have those I love with me at night, or within small groups in the relationship. At a certain level, however, someone emerges as the leader of the group, and the other two follow that lead. It can work, and it is frankly a lot of fun. But it is definitely not for everyone.

As my wife--who felt very lost after our GF had left--found out, she would rather avoid the pain of trying and instead keep what she has, rather than risk heartbreak again. For me, I'm open to the idea, but only with another woman as I don't swing in any way towards men and what's the point of a group if you don't genuinely love those whom you are with?

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